Overheard a college student ask Siri how long a decade is. I just submitted that question to the SAT board so they can add it to the next test. Study up, young ones.
Look, let me put it this way: with me, you’re number one and there isn’t even a number two.
I’ve heard two people say “irregardless” today. One of them is my Research Methods professor, who later pointed out that he said “more better” on accident and called himself out for it. HEY MAN, call yourself out for the bigger and less ironic violation of the English language next time.
I’m more angry at the second guy, a radio caller, but the professor takes the full blame for this one. Get it together, people!
You know the new coworker you manage isn’t cut out for the job when you almost say “Stop messing with the help” because she continuously confuses your other employees on what their tasks are. Help messing with help, ah yeah.
When I was younger, somewhere between five and ten years old, I remember going higher and higher on the swing in my backyard. My brother was next to me doing the same thing, and I remember laughing and yelling and getting that stomach rush feeling when I would fly backwards. I very clearly remember thinking “This is the best day of my life.”
I’ve had many best days since. Hell, I could say almost any day now is better than that day. But I’ll never get over how fun and memorable that day/moment was. I have no idea what made that “best day” stick with me, I’m sure I said it other times. Relative to my age and that period of my life, could it actually have been The Best Day of My Life? There has to be a reason I can still recall it as so, right?
Science people, do more work with memory and why certain seemingly insignificant things stick with us. Inquiring minds need to know. I volunteer to be your first test subject.
An ongoing list of guides to life that need to be read aloud to me:
"Fleeting Attraction to Girls With Blue Eyes Is Bad for Your Psyche"
"How to Avoid Crushing On People You’ll Never Ask Out"
"Anatomy of Not Knowing What to Say Until Two Seconds After You’ve Left Her Presence"
"The Girl With Nearly the Same Weirdly-Spelled Name of Your Ex Should Be Avoided"
"The Rules of Convincing Yourself of Certain False Conclusions"
"The Cadence of Enthusiastic Speakers Will Quickly Lead to Your Heart’s Demise"